12 for '12.

Feliz Año Nuevo

There are just so many things that I wanna do in this lifetime. I dunno if I ever get the chance to fulfil it all, but to even think and dream about it has been the journey for me. 

As a new year came to our senses, we always so excited to start anew with everything, the 'resolutions' shits and stuff. 

For that, we pledge our time in that particular year to do things that we wanna. 

Why? So many reasons that one can give but if that makes you happy, go for it. 

However, I always falls into the same pattern every year. 

I. Can't. Keep. My. Own. Resolution. 

I realize now that those resolutions is sometimes almost impossible to fulfil and the reality is even better than my dreams. 

When you wanna dream, dream BIG! 

Also, I always 'foresee' things in that year and constrained my dreams to the things that I will get for sure, not the thing that push me to do better. 

Reducing the loss value I say. 

So, when you know you will get your Bachelor Degree that year, you don't put 'Get a degree' in your list, bcuz it's not a to-do list, its waiting list. 

Fools! *reminder for myself* 

That is why this year, I'mma do it differently. I called it 'to-do list'. 

It's like buying groceries. You look in your kitchen and look for what sorta things you need to get and write it down. Then you go and buy it based on your list. 

That shop might not have the spices you wanna for your rendang, so you improvise. 

Or they might not have anything you want, you improvise. 

Same goes for this to-do list. I won't kill myself if I don't get to achieve it until 31st Dec. 

I'll improvise, better and/or differently. 

The other thing, with this to-do list, it gives me some kinda purpose in life to achieve and see where I am are standing with my own dreams. It's 2012 now. Starts living. 

So, here it is. *in no particular order of urgency*

1. Get a driving license 
2. Bring my parent to peninsular M'sia
3. Get healthy (good body shape, good skin, good hairs, shining white teeth, no fast foods, salad every week) 
4. Do bungee jump in Wellington Bridge, NZ
5. Design and produce 100 GREAT custom T-Shirt
6. Sit for IELTS 
7. See at least ONE The World Wonder (The Great Wall of China and/or Pyramid of Egypt) 
8. Post a YouTube video (1st Video: Jan 25)
9. Malaysian trip
10. Read at least one good book every month
11. Learn Spanish
12. Get a tattoo. 

What's yours?

(And when I finally did it, I'll color it red.)

xoxo,

breamerdoy

Kita.

KAMU,

Aku kenal hanya seketika, tapi

Aku hampir mengerti hidup kamu, bukan

Aku menghakimi, tapi 

Aku cuba memahami. 

MEREKA, 

Salah faham, 

Tidak memahami,

hanya memberi lebam,

dan melupai. 

AKU, 

Hanya mencuba, 

memahami 

mengerti 

mengasihi 

dan mengingati. 

Namun, cukupkah apa aku perbuat? 

Untuk membantu kamu? 

Persoalannya, 

Mengapa kamu diperlakukan sedemikan rupa? 

Apa alasan mereka melakukannya? 

Bagaimana harus aku memperbaiki hubungan ini? 

Hubungan KITA. 

Pelajar + Guru = Kita. 

Kata-kata sahaja takkan mampu memperbaiki.

Cuma perbuatan semata. 

Hakikinya, dimana bermula? 

Siapa memulai? 

Kemana arah? 

Peta arah ini berbunyi seperti, 

 Titik permulaan = kamu, 

Pemulai = mereka,

Penyambung = aku.

Keinginan aku hanya ingin memberi pengalaman ku. 

Memberi kamu kesenangan semasa dan selepas kamu menuntut ilmu. 

To be continued...

xoxo

Cikgu Gill 

P/S: Cikgu tak berapa nak pandai mengarang dalam BM. SPM cikgu dapat 3B jer pun. 

Ex-zam!!

When I'm done, I used to think whether I survive the semester.

Now, when I'm done, I'm thinking whether I'm getting an A or not.

That's when you know that youre officially mature as a student.

Life is full of changes. An changes is the only constant in life.

Xoxo

Friendship

F- fret not. They'll always gonna letya down
R-run w. your bank account when they say HI
I- I, I and only I.
E-end so easily
N-not so hard to keep, cuz they'll
D-dump you when they're busy

And the rest is SHIT!

That's friendSHIT.

When the world turns it back on them, I as friend do this:

F-fret not, I'm here.
R-run w. you in this race
I-I's (eyes) on you
E-ends when it's perfect.
N-not so easy to find
D-dem friend.

And the rest is awesomeness.

That's friendsomeness to me.

Friend, I don't and never give up on you. Just that I need you in this race cuz I can't do it myself w/o you.

Xoxo
G

Words

For the big mouth, opps, it slips

For the quiet, silence is golden

For casanova, action speaks louder

For Maks, never stops talking

Different people speaks differently.

Some speaks too much,

Some says too little,

Who wins? No one.

What do people want actually?

To say what they wanna, or

to hear what they need to?

What do I need actually?

Hearing those words everyday, or

hearing it once in a blue moon?

Everyday; That's enough

Blue moon; I'm dreaming

I dunno what should I hear.

I dunno how it should be said.

I dunno when I wanna hear it.

I dunno where would it leads.

I dunno who says it better.

I dunno...

In the past, I heard those words.

Never forgotten that morning.

That sweet simple saying.

Maybe that's all I needed.

Then I lost the love when I heard goodbye words.

Pronounced clearly, like a marching band chords.

What are words?

Those words that I never said to you, now locked in a heart box,

kept far far away.

Now that I can says it, and it's not to you.

and Lord, to your words that has been the lamp to my feet.

xoxo

g

Home to Mak & Pak.

Last week I went home, from 25th - 30th Oct 2011.

The reasons;

Mom is sick

I am home sick

Sick staying in KL

Despite the bad experience w. AirAsia that I decide not to reveals here, I manage to finally see my family after the last home coming in August.

Here's the thing about going home.

It's lovely to spends some time w. your loved one.

The conversation. The jokes. The affections. The foods. The catching up.

Being home, how great thou art.

However, what is my family w/o dramas? Oh come on, look at me, I'm a drama queen.

My family is very conservative when it comes to dealing w. dramas.

We tend to silence it up and try not to talk about it, in hoping that it'll go away on its own.

Guess what, it failed in styles.

The problems keep coming back like Lindsay Lohan to the court, the frequency and the condition always keep getting worse.

And everybody wants to have piece of it.

Sister blows up.

Bro-in-law silence.

Mak wants to say something.

Pak agrees w. her.

Niece cries wanting Angry Birds books but didn't gets the attention bcuz everybody's having their shitty moment.

And ME, 'I just wish that we all being happy that I'm actually home.'

Mak brought me to our backyard.

Her getaway. Her cave. Her artwork. Her obsession.

She planted paddy. Corns. Fruits. Chillies.

We talked about many things in that hour.

She ramble. I listen.

I never seems to like her rambles before, but that particular day, her rambles get me quiet in a good way. Telling me her secrets that none knows about.

Along the rambles, I comments here and there.

The talking gives me realisation how mature I became.

The listening makes me want to bring her out of this place ASAP. Where to? Just out of this shit holes. Starts a new. There's too much things happened here.

From the miserableness of getting this piece of land and losing it to some corrupted government, to the lost of my beloved eldest sister, and the other modern dramas after Mak's kids reached puberty.

No matter how far I go, my heart belongs to this place.

No replacement.

No substitute.

Nothing likes it.

But then I realise, being home is just the physical rituals. I manage to capture my feeling that says, 'I don't mind where I be as long as I'm w. Mak and Pak, that's where my HOME is.'

Giving back to our parent is not necessary. As they gave their all to raise and make us human w/o wanting anything back as return. But it's our duty to assure them that we are human, not what they WANT us to be, but what TAUGHT us to be.

It doesn't matter what we've become, a lawyer, a doctor, a teacher, a politician, a mother, a father, or a friend, our parents didn't ask for those material things, but what they really want is for us to give them a life that they don't have for raising us.

The quietness as they suffered listening to our cries.

The best dinner as they skipped their's to take care of us when we're sick.

Early morning serenity as they woke up early to get you ready for school.

Good Christmas outfit to put on as they sacrifices their's to give you the best look every year.

Holidays as they work all year round to look after us.

As a son to my parent, I wish I can fulfil at least one of their dreams on top of my best plans for them. Bringing Pak to a Muay Thai match, and Mak to enjoy Bali for as long as she wanted to. Simple yet it's something that I caught from their conversation.

Guys, do take care of our parent yeah? Our breath are theirs.

23.

Happy Birthday to me, for the 23rd time.

Giving birth is always (at least for me) the most magical phenomenon that happen to human species. That 9 months, a living organism actually occupied women's tummy, is a miracle period of time which also creepy when you think about it.

Never mind what I think, as my mom rocks for carrying me like a kangaroo & thought of me when she eats, drinks, walks, talk, and think. Then, she finally gave birth to me. Well, I was a c-baby. So, I was literally forced out from her tummy and that gave mark to her which she uses as a weapon to win over me EVERY SINGLE TIME I disobeyed or being bad.

She said, 'Look at this mark, it was a hard work for me to bring to this world, and you not gonna go & help me get the flour from the shop?'

Yeah, literally that!

And so, that's why I was and still (wink wink) a good kid after these 23 years walking on this planet.

The family needed me more than ever since I will be graduating soon and be what I wanna be, well, more of what they hope me to be.

Whatever is my path, either chosen by me or them, I will always owe my parent, especially my mom a WORLD that I could not pay her entirely. Just hoping that I make her smile everyday.

Looking back at those years flew by like pendulum swing, I didn't achieve much in life.

I blame the opportunity door and circumstances.

But now, after years of finding the right pathway, I am pretty much sure about my way & how to get over those obstacles rather than banging my head against those walls in hoping it'll turn into an open doors. Ain't gonna happen.

Wishes I received from lovely lovely people around the world.

I was actually have to sit back and think that I was actually loved and my existence matter to people, well at least to people that matters to me.

As you get older, birthdays are not as big deal as it was when you're a kid.

It also can be disappointing or sadness.

However, those kind words that you received is what matter that actually makes you look back and say a little prayer about your own existence.

I am looking forward for another year of happiness and great things.

If I set my mind on it, I will breakthrough it.

If I wanna dream, I'll dream big!

Finally, my present. The greatest material present I got is Long Champ travel bag. Looking at it makes me wanna travel!! And that is exactly what I wanna do this year.

xoxo

bdayboy,gilly