Home. Again.

The grasses is always greener on the other side of the fence.

Sometimes, or if you must, most of the times I felt that way.
London makes me miss home so very much.
The contrast that existed around me makes me think of home most of the time.
I made plans to come home so that I can put my homesick to the end, which in most cases never happens.
Since 2006, I was travelling out of my hometown to the foreign places for study.
So far, I've been in three places, two states in a country and two countries of two different continent.
Every time the experience is different. Sometimes it was the different kinda experience and feeling to be at and feel.
The love you found is distinct and the hate you encounter makes the world is just the same, cruel.

You must understands that when I was in Tawau, I was not able to discover that world because I was so insecure and living under my own roof. Foreign places are just so... foreign. Yet, Tawau until today is always the place that I feel new. Place to discover. Before I was 'old' enough, I was away to be in a new foreign place. I am a tourist in my own hometown.

KL is always close to my heart because I basically became a man (hardly I know) that my 17 years old wanna be. Exploring the narrow road (literally of course) and the big blue sea (again, literal speaking). They are my fears and  my insecurities.
It somehow prepares me for London, the big blue sea (more of a big white city) with vicious sharks yet with a great opportunity surrounds it.
Again, KL calls me a tourist.
I hope I will be coming back here often. This small city makes me feel big at times whenever I'm back from London.

Soon I will be back in the land of the Queen.
For now, the grass from LCCT is greener but its a painful 12 hours mowing journey. urgh.
I just wish that scientist put more effort on inventing portal door to transport in a blink of an eye.
There will be no waiting around or more not spend.

Oh Jesus, please take the wheel, or just keep my will to travel please.

Borneo Boi xoxoxo

Christmas.

Merry Christmas Geordie Style!

If you ever watch Geordie Shore (the UK epiphany of Jersey Shore), you know what's Geordie means. They are from Newcastle. Like Cheryl Cole.

This Christmas, I am here to celebrate my Christmas, away from family and friends in the Far East.
I found my new family here, and friends on its way.

Celebrating Christmas away brings me some nostalgic moment especially this is my first EVER Christmas away from everything that I ever known. Except that one time in Labuan. Even then, I was surrounded by faces of friends that makes Christmas a jolly day to celebrate. They were my family.
Today, (in fact the whole week) I've been having this lump on my throat (no, not cancer. Thank God) somehow almost holding my tears every time home knocks on my memory box.

When I was home, I don't appreciate those little things, but I promise you, when you're apart, those are your favourite things (yes, just like the song).
I missed my fake Christmas tree and the lights blinking with beautiful colours.
What I missed the most is the cooking. (tear sheds)
Mak would cook for at least 200 people (yes, 15 kg of meat, 10 kgs of chicken) and I would eat for 10 people. yes, she reserved for me so that the guests don't eat them all. LOL
I freaking love my mom.
Pak would cook the traditional Iban delicacy. Like 'pansuh' (wild boar cook inside a bamboo) and 'ikan bakar' (grilled fish).
I would just wait for these to be serve and after church service, my friends and I would come home and wallop everything that we can.

As a child, I always wanted to have a lot of presents for Christmas.
Now I know, Christmas is never been about presents under the trees or new clothes or cards. It always about holly jolly with the whole family and friends. They are my Christmas (yes, Jesus too).

Today, I am celebrating without them for the second time.
I am so homesick at the moment. Its so hard to swallow.
But, I'll be OK as I know a house is not a home, a home is in my heart. They're close to my heart, for always.

Keep me in your thoughts whenever you have that great food and that delicious drinks.

If you see my family and friends, send my love to them, Geordie style.

xoxo
Gilly the Geordie.

Home to Mak & Pak.

Last week I went home, from 25th - 30th Oct 2011.

The reasons;

Mom is sick

I am home sick

Sick staying in KL

Despite the bad experience w. AirAsia that I decide not to reveals here, I manage to finally see my family after the last home coming in August.

Here's the thing about going home.

It's lovely to spends some time w. your loved one.

The conversation. The jokes. The affections. The foods. The catching up.

Being home, how great thou art.

However, what is my family w/o dramas? Oh come on, look at me, I'm a drama queen.

My family is very conservative when it comes to dealing w. dramas.

We tend to silence it up and try not to talk about it, in hoping that it'll go away on its own.

Guess what, it failed in styles.

The problems keep coming back like Lindsay Lohan to the court, the frequency and the condition always keep getting worse.

And everybody wants to have piece of it.

Sister blows up.

Bro-in-law silence.

Mak wants to say something.

Pak agrees w. her.

Niece cries wanting Angry Birds books but didn't gets the attention bcuz everybody's having their shitty moment.

And ME, 'I just wish that we all being happy that I'm actually home.'

Mak brought me to our backyard.

Her getaway. Her cave. Her artwork. Her obsession.

She planted paddy. Corns. Fruits. Chillies.

We talked about many things in that hour.

She ramble. I listen.

I never seems to like her rambles before, but that particular day, her rambles get me quiet in a good way. Telling me her secrets that none knows about.

Along the rambles, I comments here and there.

The talking gives me realisation how mature I became.

The listening makes me want to bring her out of this place ASAP. Where to? Just out of this shit holes. Starts a new. There's too much things happened here.

From the miserableness of getting this piece of land and losing it to some corrupted government, to the lost of my beloved eldest sister, and the other modern dramas after Mak's kids reached puberty.

No matter how far I go, my heart belongs to this place.

No replacement.

No substitute.

Nothing likes it.

But then I realise, being home is just the physical rituals. I manage to capture my feeling that says, 'I don't mind where I be as long as I'm w. Mak and Pak, that's where my HOME is.'

Giving back to our parent is not necessary. As they gave their all to raise and make us human w/o wanting anything back as return. But it's our duty to assure them that we are human, not what they WANT us to be, but what TAUGHT us to be.

It doesn't matter what we've become, a lawyer, a doctor, a teacher, a politician, a mother, a father, or a friend, our parents didn't ask for those material things, but what they really want is for us to give them a life that they don't have for raising us.

The quietness as they suffered listening to our cries.

The best dinner as they skipped their's to take care of us when we're sick.

Early morning serenity as they woke up early to get you ready for school.

Good Christmas outfit to put on as they sacrifices their's to give you the best look every year.

Holidays as they work all year round to look after us.

As a son to my parent, I wish I can fulfil at least one of their dreams on top of my best plans for them. Bringing Pak to a Muay Thai match, and Mak to enjoy Bali for as long as she wanted to. Simple yet it's something that I caught from their conversation.

Guys, do take care of our parent yeah? Our breath are theirs.

The Prayer

Today (July 1st, '10), I went to the Chaiya Mangkalaram Buddisht Temple in Pulau Tikus, Penang. My intention of going there is to wake up the Sleeping Buddha. But hey, I found this awesome wheel of fortune that you insert your 50 cents coin and press the button to stop the neon light at the number that gonna decide your fortune, I guess. I tried it. I get Chiam See #8. (excited since 8 is good #) And here what it says;

Your present position is like a valuable treasure buried under the ground. You dig the ground in the hope of getting it, but you dig the wrong place, and you are unable to find it. Similarly, even if you work hard at the present time, you may not get much benefit by doing so because your present career is unsuitable. In rowing it against the current of water and wind, the boat will naturally not go fast. Do not get discouraged. In future, there will be some people to support and help you. A sick person in your family will recover soon. In case of persecution you have a few hopes to win the case and probably you may be found guilty. Your next baby will be a boy. Your luck in other things is not good.

My first impression was; WHA...?!
I thought 8 was a good number.
Well, its obviously something that I can't celebrate nor argue about since I chose to spin the wheel of fortune. You don't decide on what you wanna hear but what you suppose to hear!

However, it made me think.
"Is this the way religion tries to hold on us and make us pray to the goddess for fortune, luck, love, and many blessings that WE hope to possess??"
Until we would simply give our time, efforts, energy, etc to the goddess??

not that I don't believe in the power of prayer.
I was born in a Christian family and being brought up in its way.
One time in my life, I almost knock on Bible school door to enroll myself to be a priest, all thanks to my late Rev. Dais. (Just incase you think I'm a back slide Christian that write what is right but not what I do for real)
But the power of prayer brought me here where the power wanted me to do greater things in life.

I dunno whats the point of this entry, but I long to write something about my late Rev Dais, prayer and religions.
I guess this is the combination of all.

A dear friend of mine used his time while driving alone to have one-on-one talk to the god. (he's not a religious guy)
Another friend used to pray The Serenity Prayer. (he never been to church nor wanted to) and before he went to sleep, he'll reflect the 10 things of the day (most temple/church goers don't do that)
My mom is very particular with prayer before eating. (be grateful that we can eat)
My English friend, believe that prayer at the end of day can make you recall, refelct and re-evaluate what had happen today (is it good? bad?)
My ex-leader forced me to pray (ain't working)

We all pray, in a different ways.
To who? To the One.

xoxo
Gill Loong.

poo-cating..meow meow..

Last weekend had been fun-filling weekend for me-went to Poo-cat for 5 days.
It’s the best time to breakaway just to prepare myself for the hectic life coming up since it’s almost the end of semester-with lotsa assignments and performing.
Well, at least I have a real reason to spend money and get out of my normal routine.

The best part of this all (unlike my UK trip) is the immigration.
They don't really care about what's the reasons you have until you end up in their airport as long you have visa, passport and money?
So, phew over there!

Before I went to Poo-Cat, there's a Tsunami alert all over the ASEAN countries but it really didn't stop me from going.
I don't even worry about much; earthquake, Tsunami, etc. I guess all my friends and family do all the worries for me.
I always hold this word when I am going to places: if you gonna die, you gonna die though you sleep at your very room!
Let not the death stopping you from seeing the world! Cuz if you really facing the death, you'll find out that ,'I should see more than I've seen'.
And, as you grow old with all the commitments and life, you have little opportunities to go around and since you still young, waste it!! ;)

Island hopping is the most dangerous and braves activity that I've tried when I am in Poo-Cat.
The wave is just enough to make you scream your heart out and thinking, 'I don't pay 2000bath for dying, right?' but it just FUN!

Due to annoying Tuk Tuk driver and massages girls along the streets and every angle of the island that always wanting to drive you everywhere and touch your body (;)), I did bought a T-Shirt saying, 'NO I DON'T WANT A F*?K'N TUK TUK SUIT OR MASSAGE THANK YOU VERY MUCH' at the back and the Thai version is on the front so that they more clear what I want!
It so happen when I went to center of Phuket Town and lost our way, well you hardly get lost when you ask the Tuk Tuk guys along the road sides, but they always refuse to tell you if you don't want them to send you.

I wonder that all Thai people don't really walk from places other than drive their motorbike and Tuk Tuk!
Even I asked the people from the streets how to get to my hotel, they kept saying, 'hotel…far…Tuk Tuk'.
Its very impossible its far since I walk from my hotel to the center like 15 minutes only and its not far AT ALL!!

In addition to the annoying of the Tuk Tuk guys, expected as a Thai is even more worst!
Do I look like Thai??!!
After they promoting the product to me saying 'Sawadeekap, bla bla bla... (in Thai)' I just reply them saying sorry I am not Thai. They straight away give me that look which I translate as, 'Fuck off you whore, you just a f*?k'n Thai that want to be white!!'. And they give me Thai to Thai service! What the…?
Well... I guess I need to accept that I look like real Asian which is not Chinese nor the fair skin guy that will hinder myself from get approach in Thai. Oh well…

Now I am back to my KL life bringing back the memories and the experiences from one more interesting place!
Where's next, keep an eye on me...