Home. Again.

The grasses is always greener on the other side of the fence.

Sometimes, or if you must, most of the times I felt that way.
London makes me miss home so very much.
The contrast that existed around me makes me think of home most of the time.
I made plans to come home so that I can put my homesick to the end, which in most cases never happens.
Since 2006, I was travelling out of my hometown to the foreign places for study.
So far, I've been in three places, two states in a country and two countries of two different continent.
Every time the experience is different. Sometimes it was the different kinda experience and feeling to be at and feel.
The love you found is distinct and the hate you encounter makes the world is just the same, cruel.

You must understands that when I was in Tawau, I was not able to discover that world because I was so insecure and living under my own roof. Foreign places are just so... foreign. Yet, Tawau until today is always the place that I feel new. Place to discover. Before I was 'old' enough, I was away to be in a new foreign place. I am a tourist in my own hometown.

KL is always close to my heart because I basically became a man (hardly I know) that my 17 years old wanna be. Exploring the narrow road (literally of course) and the big blue sea (again, literal speaking). They are my fears and  my insecurities.
It somehow prepares me for London, the big blue sea (more of a big white city) with vicious sharks yet with a great opportunity surrounds it.
Again, KL calls me a tourist.
I hope I will be coming back here often. This small city makes me feel big at times whenever I'm back from London.

Soon I will be back in the land of the Queen.
For now, the grass from LCCT is greener but its a painful 12 hours mowing journey. urgh.
I just wish that scientist put more effort on inventing portal door to transport in a blink of an eye.
There will be no waiting around or more not spend.

Oh Jesus, please take the wheel, or just keep my will to travel please.

Borneo Boi xoxoxo

Christmas.

Merry Christmas Geordie Style!

If you ever watch Geordie Shore (the UK epiphany of Jersey Shore), you know what's Geordie means. They are from Newcastle. Like Cheryl Cole.

This Christmas, I am here to celebrate my Christmas, away from family and friends in the Far East.
I found my new family here, and friends on its way.

Celebrating Christmas away brings me some nostalgic moment especially this is my first EVER Christmas away from everything that I ever known. Except that one time in Labuan. Even then, I was surrounded by faces of friends that makes Christmas a jolly day to celebrate. They were my family.
Today, (in fact the whole week) I've been having this lump on my throat (no, not cancer. Thank God) somehow almost holding my tears every time home knocks on my memory box.

When I was home, I don't appreciate those little things, but I promise you, when you're apart, those are your favourite things (yes, just like the song).
I missed my fake Christmas tree and the lights blinking with beautiful colours.
What I missed the most is the cooking. (tear sheds)
Mak would cook for at least 200 people (yes, 15 kg of meat, 10 kgs of chicken) and I would eat for 10 people. yes, she reserved for me so that the guests don't eat them all. LOL
I freaking love my mom.
Pak would cook the traditional Iban delicacy. Like 'pansuh' (wild boar cook inside a bamboo) and 'ikan bakar' (grilled fish).
I would just wait for these to be serve and after church service, my friends and I would come home and wallop everything that we can.

As a child, I always wanted to have a lot of presents for Christmas.
Now I know, Christmas is never been about presents under the trees or new clothes or cards. It always about holly jolly with the whole family and friends. They are my Christmas (yes, Jesus too).

Today, I am celebrating without them for the second time.
I am so homesick at the moment. Its so hard to swallow.
But, I'll be OK as I know a house is not a home, a home is in my heart. They're close to my heart, for always.

Keep me in your thoughts whenever you have that great food and that delicious drinks.

If you see my family and friends, send my love to them, Geordie style.

xoxo
Gilly the Geordie.

Out of My Mind.

This entry is dedicated to all the teachers in the world, new & old, experienced & novice.

Sir Ken Robinson, Out of Our Minds

I finally managed to finished the book that was introduced to me 2 weeks ago, Out of Our Mind by Sir Ken Robinson. I would like to start off by saying what a book!

With all the praises for this book, it would never enough as it changed the way I think and the way I perceive creativity.
I always think that I am a creative person. Growing up, I always love dancing, singing, drawing, and all that artistry activities. School never really sharpen my talents as I am always stuffed with homework and 'more important' subjects. If I didn't join my local church, I probably don't think my talents will launch and bloom. As learning takes me to everywhere other than my home, I am always struggling to find a place to express myself through these things that I love doing.
I get discourage or to be precise, bitter with my talents. For sure I have them but I can't benefit from them.

This book make me realise that I don't need a place or organisations to help me bloom - it would be great if there's a place to help me, but in whatever you do, you can always be creative. You doesn't require a clay, dance floor, or music sheets. All you need is interest and passion for whatever you're doing. Be creative in your own way as creative is very individuaistic.

Sir Ken tries to help you understand your very specific self, from how your brain works and why it is the way it is. Then, to your society, school, organisation, country and the world. He'll show you how all of these knit to each other and they can't stand alone though creativity is personal.

Personally, reading this book is like Moses receiving torah from God. It is a bible for someone that wants to be creative and especially it is for people in teaching profession to realise how creativity is the main key to unlock the students' abilities.
Every discussions that I have in my Master class always I quoted Sir Ken's word or his perspective because I am a believer now. If creativity is a religion, I am the follower, and his book is my bible.

He also revealed why we are so in a dogmatic situation towards grade, intelligence, school, teaching, creativity, and everything in between.

I can't help it to highlight every single wisdom words from the book and note down for the future reference, or more likely for my own reference.

In my opinion, this is the book that every single person, especially people who works with students in any level and disciplines, should read before deciding to be a teacher.

If you think teaching is not as professional job or an easy job, try to inspire at least one person and come back to him again in 5 years whether he still even know your name (or even recognise your face.) If they failed to do so, you are basically wrong by saying it is harder to be an engineer or a doctor. The time, the effort, the involvement in a relationship is much demanding for teacher-student relationship.

Go and learn to be creative.

xoxo

Brunel. British. Brixton. & Bullsh*ts.

So I started my course in uni now. Officially done for the first week. That's the reason even the title sounded like a academic paper writing.

Brunel.

Wonderful campus. Mixture of nationalities & background. This is the closest I can get to feel like home. However, the pressure is on! My class is twice a week for 3 hours per session. There are part-time students & full-time students. So you're meeting almost half of a different people every time you enter the class. Back in Malaysia, I thought I am confident & well spoken young man. My classmates are like black hole, sucking anything that pass their way including my light! I used to shine in education classes before but now, I am just invisible & timid little soul trapped with this amazing creatures filled with glowing experiences. Though I acknowledge Dr. Angelo's opinion about get into the field for couple of years & then go for MA to gain some experiences so that you won't be a parasite in the classroom, I still go for MA. I am going to be a parasite for some time. On a better note, with all these experienced teachers surrounding me, I can learn from them & even visit their schools to get a better idea. And a note for me, whatever that I do, being confident is the key. (More news on Brunel in the future blogs)

British.

Can be very annoying at times but they are friendly by nature (mostly). Undeniably, this is one of the greatest country in the world & Malaysian do look up to here. It is funny that they think they are not & think Asian are better. I guess, the grasses are greener on the side of the fence. And oh, haven't mingle around with the Brits that much. Soon I guess.

Brixton.

This is my new neighbourhood. It is so ghetto (not as much as before though) that it makes H&M looks like a corner shop. In the meantime in KL, we lined up to get into the newly build H&M in Lot 10.
The journey to campus from here is a bit long & cold. I have to spend at least 2 hours to/from campus. That's the downside of living here but the city is just 15 minutes away. School is twice a week, and I have 5 days not going to campus, so I guess it's a good bargain to live here.

Bullsh*ts.

I love the chilly weather and sometimes a great sun shows herself for a day or two. Now I know how precious sunshine can be. Back in Malaysia, sunny days should be avoided if you still wish to be sane. I guess it's not the same sun since it gives you a different kind of feeling being under it.

Overall, I am thankful to be here with just a few steps from finding my dreams & everything that is being given to me so far. I'm gonna work harder than I've ever been.

Prayer is what I need from you guys. :)

xoxo

brunelboy

Five Winters.

Let It Snow on Me!

Here I am, writing my blog entry against the neon-based KL city and the moon light.

Everything is bright here, just as bright as my future now.

Though, 5 years ago I don't see any dreams coming true and I don't even remember dreaming about anything.

Then, my life was a joke.

Failing when it comes to studying.

Loser when it comes to friends.

Naive when it comes to dating.

Broke when it comes to money.

I wasn't in the best shape of myself, physically and mentally.

Super skinny.

Lacks of social life.

Bed was my bestie.

My right hand was my pleasure.

Church was a living hell.

Today, my life still a joke for me, but in the LOL kinda moment. Happy.

Failing makes me realise what's my strength are, which I am following starting on 8/10/12.

Money isn't a problem anymore as it never being so important.

I have a lot of people that are close to me & love me just the way I am.

I also have met people who hated me for being who I am.

Along the way, the jerk becomes your bestie but the bestie becomes the worse memory.

And more to come.

I have been through hell and back.

Been rejected many times.

Been accepted for the wrong reasons. etc.

Today, I can't express how happy & proud I am of myself.

All the mistakes, a**holes, & cries are my northern star to point me home.

Home where I can just be myself, doing the thing I enjoy, & giving back.

People said, now you open a new chapter, close the old one.

I say, revise the old one for a better experience in the future.

I know I would make more mistakes, miscalculate, being misunderstood, meeting more a**holes, backstabber, lovers, friends, & living happily.

Today is my convocation. For once last year, I thought I would never finish this degree but I prove myself wrong & rebuke my doubt because I can be whatever I wanna be as long I am willing to.

For that, I would like to thank you every person that I met along the way these 5 years. EVERYONE of you makes me who I am today.

The next time I am writing is from the land of the Queen!

xoxo

gradgilly.

Waiting.

That just not my forte. 

My life is basically hanging by the fact that either I am going to soar higher or stay put -at least for now, is not clear. 

If I set the rule, I just want to get this done ASAP. 

I am the person that instead of waiting for lifeguard to save me, I rather swim to the shore and feel I am progressing even though  I am expose to danger such as shark, because, if I am going to die, I rather die trying than die waiting.

Over the years, I never get the art of waiting, and that just become my charm. 

Now, I am here waiting, and waiting for the decision whether London is going to be a reality or just a place to visit once in awhile.

Dear God, I pray that you keep my initial intention of going to London close to me always and so that my journey heading towards the promise land will open up and be as smooth as silk. Let it be your will oh God. 

xoxo 

W. 

Minta Duit Ari Orang (Asking Money From Others)

Anak aku, anang idup minta duit ari orang, manah agi mati ari ti idup baka nya. Enti pemakai nuan diberi orang bukai, nuan empai idup meruan. Nuan ngemalu diri empu enti pemakai nuan bepanggai ba orang. Orang ke pintar sereta bepelajar enggai ngereja utai baka nya. Orang ke enda nemu malu rindu minta duit ari orang, taja enda nyamai dalam ati. (Sirakh 40:28-30 TDIR) For now, I am uneducated and literally dead as I am asking money from other people. I promise I'll earn more than I need and pay back. Penniless, gillyNOpenny