Homecoming Queen.

As Gwyneth Paltrow sang, it's the four letter words, a place you go to heal your hurt, it's an alter, it's a shelter, one place you always welcome, Home. And as for me, its a double story green house (literally), surrounded by Mak flowers and plants, a HOME.

That's where I came from and where I belong. 

Where the rain drops are heard & respected, 

wind blows that soothes your soul, 

that quacking ducks and barking dogs are fed like your child,

and it maybe not be London nor KL, full of bright lights shines that blinds your eyes, the lights are down earlier and my Kampung sounded literally like it's an abandoned pilgrimage camps. 

There are no midnight movies,

not much night food stalls,

and basically it's a numb nights there.

But hey, I like that bcuz it's calm me down as an individual. 

I tries to find stuff to do, which most of the time listening to music and playing games (not much of Facebook as there is not much of an Edge connection let alone 3G). 

I can see myself flying home often when I'm a working man bcuz this place pulled me back a lil bit and just woken up @ 10am and back to sleep after lunch, that just divine! 

Little bit longer, I feel dehydrated from those nothing-much-to-do activities. 

From those early night sleeping. 

From the f**king are-you-kidding-me neighbour!

From the sad Mak's stories.

From Umang's (my niece) crazy behaviour and her mom scolding her almost every minutes.

I needed something to do most of the time, and nothing to do sometimes. That's me.

I needed big city like KL to triggers me. To starts me up. To bring me to life, says Evanescence.

That's why I'm coming back. Keep coming back.

As times goes by, the goodbyes seems to be easy and easier.

Not much tear drops, just laughter and waiting-for-next-time-meeting wave.

I love home.

I love Mak.

I love Pak.

I love my family.

I'll come back soon, I promise.

Xoxo Gilly

Hook the Look.

I'm sorry dear blog that I have neglected you and have not entertain your body like I used to.

Life has become crazy and crazier with each day.Now I am half way thru of my teaching practice, which gives me the inside of our teacher's room & the reality of this career.

Its surreal that I am now a teacher when I still smell my teen years that I spent in my school back home.

Well I am here not to tell you about that but what I feel so far about me being teacher.

I don't believe when one of my friend who works for a good company in Singapore have to grow beard just to look old enuff for the profession since he's working with far more experienced and old business men & women.

He look way much older than his real age, 29.

I commented to that as 'it's ridiculous and you shouldn't be changing your look for that'.

Little that I know, it is important to look your profession.

I am 5'5". 165cm tall. Waist of 29/30.

An average male teacher in my school is twice my size!

Need I to say more?

I look just like my student. It becomes more clearer and clear today as we have our annual sports day.

I turned up in the stadium with my green T-shirt just like any other students in my house.

Some of the teachers mistaken me with the students and for the students that dunno me, they don't take me seriously when I give orders or questions. Sigh is the only thing that I can do at that moment.

Kept asking my fellow practical teachers how the hell am I to look the profession?

It's not my fault that I am small in size!

That's not all. In fact that's not the worse!

Teachers easily commented in the hallway when I passed by with the students (I have a green shirt that look like Student's Fellow) that they mistaken me for that students.

Feel embarrassed and down.

But for most of the time, I am a half full kinda person.

I can passed of being 16 or 17!!

xoxo

the small teacher, Gilly

Things I should've Said...

is...

How grateful I am to know each and everyone of you, TESLians.

it started with...Alicia whom I met from the choir team for orientation week.

She intro me to her friend, Esther J. P (and her roomie).

and to her bestie, Puyang Lawrence, whom later turned to be Burlesquer!

in Christ alone...

you never walk alone,

when He intro me to Anna & Jess Yim to bring me to City Harvest with Fish Kee.

then...

I started to show up in their shows (by invitation of course)

- 1st year show.

- final year show - The Animal Farm. AND

- TESL Ball.

then I lead...

with Dr. Angelo as a guide, leadership class is the reason why I always have a BBQs with them and Choo Gui Chan & Lily Woon,

then I write...

with Dineshwari & Lydia .C in the most critical & impossible to please lecturer/writer's class.

then we party...

HARD!

with Nikki Hilary sat beside me, and her man, Devan, whom later turned to our driver!

there...
I can recognise (at least) by faces, each & EVERYONE of them, TESLians.

I have more friends in TESL than my own course mates.
in fact, I wrote a letter to the Dean saying I wanna be TESLian!
which they turned down cuz of bla bla bla.

and now, the Jrs., is my friends, too.

If you never know nor believe me before, I would like to say, this is real, when I say,
I AM TODAY BCUZ OF EACH ONE OF YOU.

Thats what I should say to you that night...

xoxo
g

Analogy about Maths.

Few hours ago, I sit for my midterm for Introduction to Operational Research subject, or in Malay they called it P.O.P. Sounds better huh? It is so NOT fun to learn as as much as I love money, I don't like to calculate it. This subject is about calculating and predict your lost or damage to your pocket when something (most of the time bad) happen.
First 2 chapter is DECISION THEORY and GAME THEORY.
Making decision is always not my forte. For instances, I can't decide whether to buy a jacket from ZARA or Topman. So, i end up buying both and burn my wallet.
Then, I don't play games, like skis, chess (I spell it as CHEST! for god sake haha), or any games that involved 2xn (or nx2) player, or something related. I just don't. Indoor or outdoor. I DON'T. So why would I want to calculate all this? No point huh?

And still, there I was, sitting like a pinkish piglet sweating to death trying to think, write, calculate, (sometimes peek on my friend's answer sheets), at the same time. I know I am multitask person, but not in that part.

You must think that I am a total dork or lazy pig. Not being able to answer or not revising for midterms.
You're wrong. As far as I know, I am a good student (not the dean list, if you pardon :P), but still a good student.
I perform really well in Education subject. Fun and energetic student in class. But I am nothing like that in Maths class. :(
It just turns me off.
You wanna know how I feel about all this. Here the analogy.
Imagine a straight guy, or if you are, imagine yourself having sex with another guy. Its turns you off, well unless if you're interested in guy. Thats another for another entry. My point here is, it don't turns you on. You're not into it no matter how 'good' it is, if you pardon the pun.

I am stress. So, forgive my crudeness and my silly mind.

xoxo,
stress soy.

A Letter to a FRIEND.

dear friend,

sorry for the cheesy card. :P

just wanna say thank you for all you've done for me this whole time we've met.
from that first night in the dance floor, till tonight here in the restaurant.

believe it or not, you've taught me a lot all this time.
from being patient with friendship,
being fun,
being thoughtful in relationship (as I learned a lot from yours).

In the beginning, I almost gave up on you and your friendship,
since your life is so busy and so occupied with many things, I decided to wrote you a letter -that you never read about -
how I felt about being second graded in your life.
luckily I didn't cuz if I did, I won't get this opportunity to learn and to know you, fun man!

thanks for the great beach time, for whatever we did there.
thanks for shoving Pavilion on to my face, for whatever we bought there,
thanks for the great food time, either in Cherating or here in KL,
thanks for the great fun time, wherever we went.

sorry for the dramas that I throw to you, cuz you don't deserve it,
and sorry that you have to leave this city, a home to your heart, a memory to your soul, a love to your life.

all the little things that we did together, thats what I'm gonna miss a lot, A LOT.
I'll surely gonna miss you so much.
as I already am.

as you always said, you never know the future,
it might leads you here, again,
or leads me there.

you deserve to serve yourself.
and be happy, cuz that's what makes you YOU, the friend that we love so much.
never let ANYONE, anything to take that away.

thanks for the friendship, thanks for everything.

silly gilly.

What have we become??

They want us to go to school
And to turn the pages of books…
Why learn the language of books
When the forest speaks to you?

One cannot eat books,
And pens and pencils are poor weapons
To kill the deer of the mountains
And the grunting boar…

Gilbert Perez in The Leader.

Our education system of today;
We neglected our root and
follow the less outdated and paganistic way of teaching and learning.

We feed on the stress and the mind pollution,

the idiotic in us is like an X-linked genes that we carry from one generation to another,

How far has we improved since the voyage of Marco Polo, the E=mc2, the gravity,

Did we get more civilized compared to our forefathers??
You said they lived in the jungle and with no Facebook,
Where you living?
A jungle of concrete with even more lack of connection no matter how many social networks you registered to.

You said they don't wear Gucci and Prada.
What the use of wearing 'em when you wears as less as them today,
and when the pattern are from the natures that they are wearing directly?

You said they don't have Blackberry and Apple.
Before, it just a healthy fruits that didn't give you Carpal Tunnel.

You said they are pagan.
they are closer to the spiritual vibes WAY more than the 'holiest' religions today.
far from unnecessarily distraction.

Can the pen and pencils save our Earth??
Can the computers reset to the 'manufactures' settings??
Can you find a book that teaches you how to being a human??

g

background of this entry.
Yesterday was the day where I think deep about what I've become since I am here in this city. Looking around from the double-decker bus on my way home, gives me perfect vision of this city.
The drain,
the road-side,
the railway,
the road,
the cars,
malls,
the people
and ME.

We all are effed up in the same way.

Our education systems didn't focus on raising a human being.
It didn't gives way for you to be a better person. It gives you a piece of shit that you are forced to swallow.

We all didn't look back at yesterday.
We all sick of today.
We all scared of tomorrows.

this is not a journal life complaining,
but more on the realization of what life we are leading to.
I know I can't change the world generally.
However, I can change my little own world.

Now I wish my forefathers stays in the jungle,
feed the jungle and let it feeds them.
Live a simple life and have a greater happiness.

xoxo.

I never told you, You never know.

I miss those blue eyes
How you kiss me at night
I miss the way we sleep

Like there's no sunrise
Like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe

But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in

And now,
I miss everything about you
Can't believe that I still want you
And after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you
Without you

I see your blue eyes
Everytime I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to
When I'm not around you
It's like I'm alone with me

I miss your blue eyes.

xoxo