the untold story of a sister.

When we talk about the person that we love, we can easily list down hundreds even thousands of things that we like and remember about them.
All the memories, presents, movies, places, dates etc that you gone thru with that particular person are all remembered and carved eternally in your conscious and unconscious mind.
Repeated over and over again in your day dreaming and in your dreams when you're asleep.
For the person that can still hold their love one close to them, they keep on working on building more dreams together.
For those who lose their love one, the memories of yesterday is the only key to unlock the treasure of love with them.
And they would do anything to hold on to that memory and never let go, even they've gone, somewhere reachable or unreachable.

You must be thinking I'm all emo'ed up about teenage love.
No. I am talking about my love towards my brother and sisters.

They were my first best friend.
Being the baby and being three years younger from my sisters, they are the one who took care of me when my parent are away.
So, mostly we do literally everything together.

But today, I'mma write about my eldest sister.

I love her so much.
More than I know and more than anyone could imagine.
However, someone loves her more than I do and needed her more than anyone did.
The angels took my sister up, up and away, to a place where there is no goodbye nor cries.
Leaving us down here wishing upon the stars to retain the memories and trying hard to not lose every lines of her face, every look, every touch, everything.

If she's still around today, I would capture every angle of her with my camera and frame it against the wall.
But sadly, she's gone and all that we've owned is a few old pictures of her.

These, kept us reminded of our beloved sister who once here in our life.

I was very small when they brought back my sister's idled body yet with peaceful face home. I still remember the brownish color hospital car approaching and leaving our little house and leaving her in the middle of the living room.
Next thing I know, the house was filled with weeps and sorrows.

At times of hardship, in the early marriage of my parent, she was the one who's always there with my mom.
When people hated them,
mocking them,
treated them as second graded human being,
when my dad was still young and wild,
when everything was at it worse,
she was there.

These things makes it harder for Mak to say goodbye.

Even until today as you're reading this entry, tears stream down her face when the thought of her came to Mak's mind.

My greatest regret is that I don't remember much about her.
They told that I was her favorite brother,
they told me she loved me so much that she would do anything for me,
they said she would love more than anyone would, if she's here now.

Four events that I remembered about her,

1)

When I made Mak so furious for smashing her glass door cabinet and she forced me to eat all the glasses that I smashed, out of cries, my sister begged Mak not to harm me. She hug me when it's all over and she help to clean the place.
She was there for me.

2)

My sister's friend asked us to take a picture together. Blue shirt against a blue Land Rover truck, smiled just-woke-up-from-afternoon-nap face, as what I remembered. Though the

photo was 'burned', but the moment captured on my mind forever. It was a special ordinary day.

3)

White sheet cotton covering her body. Cotton wool stuffed in her nose and ears. She look so peaceful that day but her peacefulness bring tears to the whole world.
I was sitting on Pak's lap, innocent, blurr, and seems not to understand what is happening. Did I cried? I dunno. I can't recall. Do I want to remind myself that day? No.

4)

Last but not least, and its very funny (at least for me). As I said earlier, my siblings are the one who took care of me and we do everything together. One day, when Pak & Mak was away, 4 of us sit in a circle with gasoline lamp in the middle and Pak's ciggies case. We all puffed the ciggs and promised that we will never tell anyone what happened. And you know what, I told my dad!! All four of us get punishment from my beloved Mak. They promised to themselves that they would never bring me playing again.

These are the only four moment of her that being repeat, peat peat peat over and over again. It only take a few minutes to do so though I wish that I remember more about her.
Despite these short memories, I still cherish it as it gives me a sense of love from a person that I used to know and hope to know more.

I love you sis.
I'll drive to the hill to see you when I get home.

xoxo to you,
Your favorite G.