Brunel. British. Brixton. & Bullsh*ts.

So I started my course in uni now. Officially done for the first week. That's the reason even the title sounded like a academic paper writing.

Brunel.

Wonderful campus. Mixture of nationalities & background. This is the closest I can get to feel like home. However, the pressure is on! My class is twice a week for 3 hours per session. There are part-time students & full-time students. So you're meeting almost half of a different people every time you enter the class. Back in Malaysia, I thought I am confident & well spoken young man. My classmates are like black hole, sucking anything that pass their way including my light! I used to shine in education classes before but now, I am just invisible & timid little soul trapped with this amazing creatures filled with glowing experiences. Though I acknowledge Dr. Angelo's opinion about get into the field for couple of years & then go for MA to gain some experiences so that you won't be a parasite in the classroom, I still go for MA. I am going to be a parasite for some time. On a better note, with all these experienced teachers surrounding me, I can learn from them & even visit their schools to get a better idea. And a note for me, whatever that I do, being confident is the key. (More news on Brunel in the future blogs)

British.

Can be very annoying at times but they are friendly by nature (mostly). Undeniably, this is one of the greatest country in the world & Malaysian do look up to here. It is funny that they think they are not & think Asian are better. I guess, the grasses are greener on the side of the fence. And oh, haven't mingle around with the Brits that much. Soon I guess.

Brixton.

This is my new neighbourhood. It is so ghetto (not as much as before though) that it makes H&M looks like a corner shop. In the meantime in KL, we lined up to get into the newly build H&M in Lot 10.
The journey to campus from here is a bit long & cold. I have to spend at least 2 hours to/from campus. That's the downside of living here but the city is just 15 minutes away. School is twice a week, and I have 5 days not going to campus, so I guess it's a good bargain to live here.

Bullsh*ts.

I love the chilly weather and sometimes a great sun shows herself for a day or two. Now I know how precious sunshine can be. Back in Malaysia, sunny days should be avoided if you still wish to be sane. I guess it's not the same sun since it gives you a different kind of feeling being under it.

Overall, I am thankful to be here with just a few steps from finding my dreams & everything that is being given to me so far. I'm gonna work harder than I've ever been.

Prayer is what I need from you guys. :)

xoxo

brunelboy

Five Winters.

Let It Snow on Me!

Here I am, writing my blog entry against the neon-based KL city and the moon light.

Everything is bright here, just as bright as my future now.

Though, 5 years ago I don't see any dreams coming true and I don't even remember dreaming about anything.

Then, my life was a joke.

Failing when it comes to studying.

Loser when it comes to friends.

Naive when it comes to dating.

Broke when it comes to money.

I wasn't in the best shape of myself, physically and mentally.

Super skinny.

Lacks of social life.

Bed was my bestie.

My right hand was my pleasure.

Church was a living hell.

Today, my life still a joke for me, but in the LOL kinda moment. Happy.

Failing makes me realise what's my strength are, which I am following starting on 8/10/12.

Money isn't a problem anymore as it never being so important.

I have a lot of people that are close to me & love me just the way I am.

I also have met people who hated me for being who I am.

Along the way, the jerk becomes your bestie but the bestie becomes the worse memory.

And more to come.

I have been through hell and back.

Been rejected many times.

Been accepted for the wrong reasons. etc.

Today, I can't express how happy & proud I am of myself.

All the mistakes, a**holes, & cries are my northern star to point me home.

Home where I can just be myself, doing the thing I enjoy, & giving back.

People said, now you open a new chapter, close the old one.

I say, revise the old one for a better experience in the future.

I know I would make more mistakes, miscalculate, being misunderstood, meeting more a**holes, backstabber, lovers, friends, & living happily.

Today is my convocation. For once last year, I thought I would never finish this degree but I prove myself wrong & rebuke my doubt because I can be whatever I wanna be as long I am willing to.

For that, I would like to thank you every person that I met along the way these 5 years. EVERYONE of you makes me who I am today.

The next time I am writing is from the land of the Queen!

xoxo

gradgilly.

Waiting.

That just not my forte. 

My life is basically hanging by the fact that either I am going to soar higher or stay put -at least for now, is not clear. 

If I set the rule, I just want to get this done ASAP. 

I am the person that instead of waiting for lifeguard to save me, I rather swim to the shore and feel I am progressing even though  I am expose to danger such as shark, because, if I am going to die, I rather die trying than die waiting.

Over the years, I never get the art of waiting, and that just become my charm. 

Now, I am here waiting, and waiting for the decision whether London is going to be a reality or just a place to visit once in awhile.

Dear God, I pray that you keep my initial intention of going to London close to me always and so that my journey heading towards the promise land will open up and be as smooth as silk. Let it be your will oh God. 

xoxo 

W. 

Minta Duit Ari Orang (Asking Money From Others)

Anak aku, anang idup minta duit ari orang, manah agi mati ari ti idup baka nya. Enti pemakai nuan diberi orang bukai, nuan empai idup meruan. Nuan ngemalu diri empu enti pemakai nuan bepanggai ba orang. Orang ke pintar sereta bepelajar enggai ngereja utai baka nya. Orang ke enda nemu malu rindu minta duit ari orang, taja enda nyamai dalam ati. (Sirakh 40:28-30 TDIR) For now, I am uneducated and literally dead as I am asking money from other people. I promise I'll earn more than I need and pay back. Penniless, gillyNOpenny

The Uncertainty

The uncertainty,

is here

here to stay

stay longer

longer than the usual

usual being boring

boring is my middle name now. 

The uncertainty, 

on love,

on future,

on myself,

on intention. 

It's out & about in my life now. 

The uncertainty, 

whom I shall seek comfort from? 

compadre? 

nearest & dearest? 

sweetheart? 

moonshine? 

stimulant? 

a roll in the hay? 

job?

melodies? 

Facebook? Twitter? 

Gitchi Manituo? Allah? Yahweh? 

which? 

The uncertainty, 

why does he have to make such a song and dance out of everything?

why am I singing and dancing about it? 

why do I cry thinking of the matter? 

why why why why why why? 

The uncertainty, 

it gaves me realisation,

affection 

courage

heart

confidence 

confidantes 

it's here to stay. 

The uncertainty,

unceremonious it'll be 

taint it'll gives

intact it'll makes me. 

and it ain't the same every time. 

xoxo

Mr. Uncertainty. 

What love suppose to be.

Someone says this to me before and I never really understand it. Now, I gained a clear picture of what's LOVE. 

"Love is willing to wait instead of demanding, "prove you care now!".

Love keeps on being friendly to people who aren't friendly back.

Love doesn't hate the girl/guy who goes out with the guy/girl you like.

Love doesn't brag about your good grades or the touchdown you made in Friday night's game.

Love isn't stuck up.

Love doesn't think you're better than others because your clothes are more expensive.

Love lets others have their turn talking. It never puts others down by acting like they don't count.

Love doesn't insist on getting all the credit or being one of the popular crowd.

Love doesn't hold on grudges. It doesn't keep thinking over and over again about how someone will hurt you. Love doesn't think doing wrong is cool.

Love looks out for the interests for others.

Love keeps on trusting God even when the right choices you make don't turn out the way you want.

Love doesn't give up just because something goes wrong or because your feelings are hurt."

What is your definition of it? 

Dreams.

I am a dreamer. Was. Still. & Always. 

I used to dream about being a doctor. Going to Australia. Being a singer. And fly like Wong Fei Hong. 

For me, dreams are defines as to fulfil my desires for my own happiness. 

Ahhh... What a feelin'. 

Today, March 7, 2012, that definition defines me as a SELFISH man! 

Why? 

Bcuz, even when I am dreamin', all I can think of is my happiness. MY OWN. 

Realising that this world is comprises of 6.999 billion of people, and if those numbers are made up of selfish people, 

we would have 6.999 billion of cars, 

6.999 billion of houses, 

6.999 billion of every single thing. 

Bcuz we want to have everything TO. OUR. OWN.

These couple of months after I finished my Bachelor Degree, my mind has been occupied with What's Next questions. Where would I be. What I wanna do. Who am I gonna be. 

Then I stumbled to one quote from Edgar Cayce saying, Dreams are today's answers to tomorrow's questions. 

In order to answer my What's Next questions, I start to dream. 

Everyday, my dreams are getting bigger and wilder. At one point, I can't even contain my dreams bcuz I get too excited. I've lost it. Lost in my own dreams. 

Why? Bcuz I kept on dreaming FOR myself. Over and over again. 

Dreams is like this. 

They need to be achieve. Once you succeeded, do you find a new dream or didya stick with them and die with it? That is the actual question that we all need to figure out. 

So I look inside the vessel that holds my dreams and wishes. 

All I can find is myself. Only me. I say to myself, What is there when you only have dreams to yourself and no one to share with? What is happiness when you're alone? 

It is like dreaming to be in Antarctic by yourself for the rest of your life. Maybe some of you want that, but that is not dreaming, that is isolation. 

Having said that, it doesn't mean you have to give up your selfish dreams. All that we should do is ENHANCE those dreams to a different realm than it is not. 

Possibly, share them. 

I almost forgot why I wanna be a doctor when I was a kid. It is bcuz that the fact that my eldest sister passed away not due to Malaria but bcuz of the slow service of the doctors/nurses in my kampung's clinic. Listening to that sad story, as a kid, I promised to myself that I would be a successful MD whom actually save lives. Be the honest Dr. Be the people's Dr. Be the Dr that save someone's sister. 

I dream FOR people. 

Though now I can't be a doctor, I can educate future doctors. *wink* 

Teaching is my passion now. 

So, for me to become a great teacher, I should include myself, my students, my school into my dreams. These are the few ingredients for a better education. 

From now on, for whatever that I planned to do, and what I am destined to be, I would always dream for people. 

Dream on people 

xoxo