I never told you, You never know.

I miss those blue eyes
How you kiss me at night
I miss the way we sleep

Like there's no sunrise
Like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe

But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in

And now,
I miss everything about you
Can't believe that I still want you
And after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you
Without you

I see your blue eyes
Everytime I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to
When I'm not around you
It's like I'm alone with me

I miss your blue eyes.

xoxo

about gilly.

When were you happiest?
- I get happy very easy and it’s not hard to make me happy. I am happy most of the time, I think. :P

What is your greatest fear?
- Being alone and not being able to start my own life

What is your earliest memory?
- Playing with my brother and sisters

Which living person do you most admire, and why?
- My parent, cliché I know. But they gave me more than they have.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
- Stubbornness and laziness

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
- Make promises but can’t keep it.

What was your most embarrassing moment?
- I get embarrass easily, so a lot.

Aside from a property, what's the most expensive thing you've bought?
- My E72! When I hand in the cash, my heart felt like being slashed by a knife.

What is your most treasured possession?
- So far, memories. If I happen to be amnesia, I have nothing.

Where would you like to live?
- UK or Australia. Maybe USA.

If you could bring something extinct back to life, what would you choose?
- No idea.

What would your super power be?
- Flying.

What makes you unhappy?
- Broken promises and when my mom is unhappy.

What is your most unappealing habit?
- I smell the cotton buds after I clean my ears!! Disturbing!!

What is your favorite book?
- Lots! But I think what I love the most is Cecilia Ahern’s PS I Love You. One of the earliest books I read. It became sorta prayer book every night before I go to sleep. And when I wanna cry, I just read the highlighted ‘verses’ and it just melt me. Girly book, I know, but I don’t care!

What would be your fancy dress costume of choice?
- Cinderella dress!! With the glass stiletto!! :P

What is your guiltiest pleasure?
- Spending money that I don’t own much.

To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?
- To the people that I said ‘te amo’ but I don’t mean it, at all. I just wanna play around.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
- Not applicable for this audience.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
- ‘OMG!’, ‘Shit!’, ‘Sial!!!!’

What has been your biggest disappointment?
- For not nailing my MUET and get at least Band 4 for it and not studying TESL for degree.

If you could edit your past, what would you change?
- Study really hard in my English and edit my biggest disappointment.

When did you last cry?
- Few days ago.

How often do you have sex?
- Not applicable for this audience.

What is the closest you've come to death?
- I dunno. Can’t recall.

Tell us a secret.
- I have lots of secrets and it's related to each others. So, if I tell one, it'll lead to another secret telling.

xoxo

my existence.

When I look around the space I am occupying,
with the people around me,
with the constant frown, sadness, noises, fake
I somehow lost in this jungle of reality that I created myself,
and sick of it!

At a point,
I want to start it all over again, fresh,
do it better.

At a point,
I think to myself that I have no values at all in this dream of my childhood.

Feels like I am just a projection from someone who is dreaming,
useless,
and just being one of the actor in someone else's movie.

At this point,
I was thinking about;
what if I die this very minute??
would my friend cry??
would my family be disappointed??
would that someone know that all my love goes to him??
would I die happy??
would all the people that I cared gonna think of me in 14 days after this very minute?

What values that I have to this people??

I dunno.

the noises around me makes me deaf.
the silence that surrounds me makes me nervous,
blocking me from listening to my own heart beats.

I want some assurances, and re-assurances in my life.